From The Locker Room – 12-14-18

CONFESSIONS

“I had to stop visiting my girlfriend’s home because I was starting to admire her husband.”

“I hate dating a woman with teenage children.  I can’t stand the stares of scrutiny or suspicion that greet you every time you walk in the door.  I ended my last relationship with a woman solely on the basis of her children.  I got tired of their attitude toward me, and her always having to put a fire out when I was around. I never told her the truth.”

“I prefer tall men, but my fiancé` is short.  And every time I look at him, I regret I’m engaged.  But now I don’t know what to do.  I agreed to get married for all the wrong reasons.”

“My ex-husband, a successful doctor, was a private drunk who slapped me around and treated me like dirt.  But I never told anyone.  When I divorced him, I told family and friends that I found out he had a mistress.  I was too ashamed to admit anything else.”

“I had a one night stand with a very attractive man whom I met at a very exclusive party at a convention out of state.  He was well-dressed, well-bred and the perfect charmer.  I was lonely, and starving for attention and very vulnerable.  I was ashamed the next morning, and chagrined about facing him.  But my humiliation turned to anger, when he walked past me twice, looked in my eyes and ignored me.  I never saw him again and I never told anyone.  It took me a long time to forgive my stupidity.”

“I am fascinated by my girlfriend’s mother.  She is beautiful, warm and all-woman.  When I’m over there, I can’t hear a word my girlfriend is saying, because I’m busy watching her mother.  It’s gotten so bad that I don’t want to go over there unless her mother’s at home.”

“A few months ago, I sent myself some flowers at work, in an attempt to get my new boss’s attention.  He ended up being out for a week with the flu.  When he returned, the flowers had died, and so had my romantic intentions, when his secretary accidentally opened up my mail and saw the flower bill in my name.”

“I won ten thousand dollars on a riverboat and played it all back the same night.”

“I was the real ‘other woman’ when I was pretending to be friend and the confidante.”

“My friend bragged often about his beautiful cousin and how he knew we would hit it once we met.  But when we hooked up (she was fine) she had a faint body odor, and I was so turned off that I excused myself after an hour in her company, by faking stomach sickness.”

“When I caught my boyfriend cheating on me, I had his car towed across town to a vacant lot.  He thought it had been stolen.  The police found it a month later.”