Truth Be Told?
by Cheryl Lakes
February 16, 2018
A couple of years ago, my boyfriend of eight months told me he had to step away from the relationship because he wanted to concentrate on his career (he was an architect) and “frankly” just didn’t wish to be in a committed situation at that time. A month later, I saw a photo of him hugged up and grinning with a woman in the newspaper announcing their engagement. I stayed in bed for two days.
I wish I had a magic wand that I could wave over men to make them tell the truth when their eyes are drawn elsewhere. However, the hard part would be to help women accept the truth, and not take it so personally. For it is not an invalidation of a woman’s appeal, if it turns out that the guy she wants does not want her. It simply means that it was a mismatch because the best scenario for “love” should be mutual. But I find often in discussions with women who have experienced a love loss, that they mostly feel more disqualified than spared, or that the guy is just no good scum. And all of this is based on the man’s lack of honor in telling the truth. I recently spoke with three guys who had ended relationships for what appeared to be “greener pastures,” in an attempt to understand why the truth is seldom told, and here is what they had to say:
Gil, 36 – “I had been dating a woman for six months, and I met another woman who I liked and enjoyed more. Because the first woman was an insistent caller, I was constantly put in the position to lie, because she was always pitching for me to see her more, and I wasn’t interested. Finally, one day after a stressful weekend of trying to balance my time, I told her I had met someone else whom I had become more attached to, and I wanted to move on. After that, she called me every night for a week crying and begging me to come over so we could talk. I refused, but I understand why men don’t tell the truth. The aftermath can bring about too much drama.”
Phil, 33 – “No one can stand the truth, though we all claim we want to hear it. And women are the worst at asking for it, and not being able to take it. Men will lie when their attention is riveted elsewhere, because the truth is a hassle, and no one wants to go through a hassle. I once dated a woman who threatened to kill herself after I told her I had decided to get married. She showed up at the church on my wedding day and caused such a scene that the police had to be called. So much for the truth.”
Tom, 38, – “Let’s face it. The last thing a woman wants to hear is that a man prefers another woman to her. So a guy can’t tell the truth under these circumstances, and he knows it. The problem also is that few men have the verbal skills to be creative enough to end the affair with no hard feelings. Once, when I found myself being fonder of another woman, I told the current one, that I didn’t feel our relationship was fair to her because I wanted to date other people, and she wanted a monogamous relationship. Surprisingly, against her will, (because she didn’t want to lose me) she opted to participate anyway, and I knew that would lead to trouble. So, I suggested friendship with no strings, which she finally accepted reluctantly. Avoiding the truth is also another reason why some men date more than one woman. Sometimes, it’s easier to have peace, if you just try to keep everyone happy. It only becomes a problem when someone wants more or the guy wants more.”