by M.K. Allison
January 31, 2018
I began this year with a smarter attitude about relationships. I decided to leave behind the “blisters” and mistakes from last year that still pushed my anger button, and focus on the lessons I learned. I call them Smart Girl Moves.
- Don’t wait to be approached. If you see a guy who looks interesting, find a way to get his attention. This calls for a sliver of imagination and a load of confidence. However, it will not work if your self-esteem isn’t healthy. I’ve met tons of men by putting myself in a position to be met. I met one guy who was walking his dog, by simply asking “what kind of a dog is that?” Unfortunately, though my options have been many, not one so far has worked to my benefit.
- Don’t ignore incompatibility. What we enjoy helps define who we are and common pleasures are essential to a healthy relationship. I will never again date a guy if we don’t enjoy the same things. In the past, I’ve done too many things I didn’t enjoy just to please my date. I went on a boat ride with one guy, knowing I suffer from motion sickness. I became nauseated on the boat and upchucked all over his pants. He never called again.
- Don’t be fooled by charm. I met a guy a couple of months ago, who seemed genuine and the perfect gentleman. He turned out to be married with two other girlfriends on the side. Just because a guy opens the door, pulls out your chair and offers you his umbrella, doesn’t mean he thinks you’re special. Sometimes, it’s the one with little or no manners, who’ll come over in the middle of the night and bring you a bottle of cough medicine when you need it.
- Don’t try to change anyone. Forget it! You cannot reform the guy who stares at other women when he’s with you…refuses to hold your hand in public, claims others are jealous of him…notices everything about other women “sleeps through a ringing phone” and takes care of a lot of “business.” When I met a guy last month whose behavior was suspect, I immediately stepped away and blocked his calls.
- Insincere guys don’t sneak up on you. The signs are always there in the beginning if you’re paying attention. If you meet a guy and he says he’s seeing someone…excuse yourself. If he can’t get through an evening with you, without answering his cell phone 200 times…stop the car. And if his phone rings constantly and he doesn’t answer it…change your number.
- Never admit to not seeing anyone if you’re not. When a woman meets a man, she should never say she’s not dating anyone if she isn’t. She should always say when asked the question. “I have friends.” I found out in the worst way that it makes you more exciting when a guy thinks he’s competing for your attention.
- Forgive It’s a hard task to forgive someone who has broken your heart, and it is especially hard when they don’t seem to regret doing so. It can wipe us out to have our feelings trampled on with no compassion. But we must forgive, because our lives can be held hostage by the energy we spend licking our wounds and holding grudges. I was finally able to forgive a guy who brought his fiancée to my house to tell me he was getting married. This year, I work harder at not putting myself in the position to be hurt over and over again, which is a pattern I had perfected in the past.