Not To Do
by M.K. Allison
February 6, 2018
- Ignore your conscience. Listen to your first mind and follow it. Last year, I could have saved myself a lot of grief and heartache, if I heeded that small inner voice, which is always pure and practical. I was constantly in and out of trouble last year because that voice was mostly overruled by my desire, which was governed by bad judgment and impatience. I dated one guy for five months, who I should never have gone out with in the first place. I didn’t heed the signs. I finally got the message when he showed up for a date with another woman in the car, and asked if I were into threesomes.
- Tell everyone…everything. I will be more selective about who I “share” what with. In a customary state of “boyfriend blues” last year, I told two close friends of an incident where I caught “my friend” out with another woman, and how he begged me to forgive him. Well, I forgave him. However, every time I mentioned his name after that, they reminded me of what he did, as if I had to be the dumbest woman in America, and the only one who had ever forgiven her man.
- No more “illegal” sex. I have finally learned that men and women do not view sex the same. For me, it is the most intimate act and an emotional entrance into my soul. For “him” it’s mostly fun. For me, it’s bonding, and for “him,” it’s mostly a thrill with no name on it. Marriage puts sex in the proper context for me, and discards the vulnerability aspect that I and most women feel when the act is over.
- Girlfriend No! There is too much aggravation and uncertainty in the role of girlfriend. I choose the word “friend.” It’s ambiguous and safe. When you’re a “girlfriend” you never really know where you stand, and you’re too quick to feel threatened or challenged by the thought of another woman when you have no real commitment. Marriage is the real commitment in a relationship, and. I know of many “committed” relationships that existed on the “you’re my woman” level that disintegrated into the sand, because there was no real bond. I had three boyfriends last year and I ended up spending the holidays alone. The word “friend” helps me manage my expectations.
- Shape up your circle. I spent too much time and energy last year with people who shouldn’t have been permitted to enter my circle. Men and women with proven actions of pettiness, disrespect and betrayal weaved their way into my life, and on many occasions, I ran out to meet them. I put my sacred thoughts and feelings into callous hands, and as expected, when you put on your best to wear to a mud-fight, you get splattered big-time.
- No more fake dating. I will not continue to date a guy who I know I’m not interested in. Last year, I spent too much time trying to make something work with a couple of guys who were good catches by common standards, but had no sex appeal. It was unfair to them and a total waste of my time. I tried to make it work, because they were dependable, kind and considerate (all the traits I’ve been praying for). But I also want someone who knocks me off my feet when I look at him.
- Be more authentic. I will strive to be more verbally mature, affectionate and friendly. I will tell everyone who enters my world, what I like or dislike and lose all semblance of attitude and replace it with love. This year, I will not sulk or pain in silence. I will give compliments. I will remember names… I will smile at strangers…I will speak in elevators. I will shine.
- Accept no excuses. I will not rationalize a guy’s words or behavior. From now on, I will call it what it looks like. When a man acts like he’s confused about me, I will assume he is. I won’t try to rationalize that there is some sociological or psychological reason why he doesn’t call more often. I will call a spade a shovel and not make excuses for bad treatment