The Dating Chronicles: A Reasonable Doubt

The Dating Chronicles

A Reasonable Doubt

April 15, 2019

Adrianne:  “It was the first blind date I’d been on since I was a teenager, and I was extremely nervous.  I had spoken to this mystery guy on the phone, and his voice had sounded deep, warm and self-assured, which was not at all what I felt.  A good friend suggested we meet because she felt that it was high time that I “stopped hugging the walls of my apartment, and got out to meet some new faces.”  I agreed with her in theory.  But I was totally afraid to put myself in the position again to be rejected or hurt.

I was thirty-four years old and divorced for two years from a husband who came home one day and moved out while I was at work.  The only thing he left was a note saying he was tired of being married.   I never heard from him again until I was served divorce papers six months later.

As I dressed for the date, I was convinced that this man would not like me, especially since I had gone from a size 10 to an 18, which is why my husband left me.  My friend had described him as tall, good-looking and smart, but in my mind, every tall good-looking guy I’d seen had a size 8 on his arm.   Also, I felt the odds were against me because I didn’t like the person who stared back at me in the mirror.  I felt ugly, lonely and desperate for male companionship, and that was not a good way to enter the dating scene again.

As I drove to the restaurant, I almost turned around twice as I envisioned the look on his face when I introduced myself.  I imagined it would be the same look I encountered the day before, when I met a client for the first time after talking on the phone to him for six months.  His expression registered such obvious shock that I had to ask if something was wrong.  Without thought, he blurted out that I sounded like a smaller person on the phone. That evening, I cried on the phone to my best friend and vowed to begin yet another diet the next day and stick to it.

When I entered the restaurant, I saw a guy sitting alone and instinctively I knew it was him.  As I approached the table, he looked up and began to slowly smile.  By the time the introductions were complete, he was grinning, and so was I.  My friend’s description had been well below accurate.  He was by far on the high end of good-looking.  He was a big guy with soft brown eyes that twinkled and I instantly relaxed when he looked into my eyes.

During dinner, we laughed and talked as if we’d known each other for years, and I experienced an ease with a man I’d never known before.  We sat in the restaurant until it closed, and when he walked me to my car, we stood there talking another two hours.  Finally, I suggested we get in the car and talk, and we ended up sitting there until daybreak.  When the sun came out, he confessed he was married, but separated, and I immediately started up my car.  In a few moments, my fascination with this intriguing stranger died a sensible death. I had been there and done that and would never do it again.  He got the message, and stepped slowly out of the car. “

However, there are days when I think of him, and my heart is still warmed by the memory of that date.  It made me feel desirable again, and gave my self-esteem a much needed boost.  I understand now that size is in the eyes of the beholder, and one man’s throwaway is another man’s treasure.  It also made me realize that I was not as desperate as I thought.