When The Feelings Aren’t Mutual…

When The

Feelings

Aren’t Mutual.

by Clarissa Mainey

My co-worker was excited but trying to hide it.  The reason for his subdued glee was that a woman he’d been chasing had finally agreed to meet him for drinks.  I was delighted for him until he started rattling off the details of what appeared to be a laborious chase.  It was obvious from his description that he was far more interested than she was.

Two weeks later, he called with sadness in his voice, to say the date had not gone well, but he wasn’t giving up.  It turned out that after 1/2 hour of conversation, with him doing most of the talking, she informed him that she had to leave for another appointment and would call him later.  (She had yet to call)  When he asked for my opinion, I asked him what did the “signs” tell him, and he said they indicated she was very busy.  So I reserved my opinion and spared his ego.

However, that incident reminded me of all the sad stories I hear often from those with broken hearts who fall victim to their fantasies when they see something they want.  Instinctively, most of us know when the feelings aren’t mutual. But we press on anyway because too often our desire to have what we want overrides our better judgment. Though I must admit that I have not always been successful in paying attention when my heart was set aflutter by a handsome face or a strong pair of hands, I could always tell the difference between moonstruck and nonchalance.  One is day…..the other is night.

Unfortunately, the cause for our romantic delirium does not always know how to express to us in blatant, but honest language, that he/she cannot respond or relate “appropriately” to whatever it is we want or feel.  As a rule, signs are not hard to read.  Most times, they are held up in poster form, and we see them, but choose to ignore them.

My friend knew that his “love hopeful” was on the long end of his fantasy stick, especially when she opted for drinks over dinner.  But he plowed ahead because he misread the yes.  It is common to misinterpret an action, especially in the world of romantic encounters.  Her yes (at last) could have stemmed from a temporary breakup with her lover, a phone call that came in (conveniently) after an argument, or a case of boredom.  Boredom (nothing else to do) is the culprit in many encounters where the signs appear to read yes when it’s really a no.

However, I’ve found that the best sign readers are those with high personal standards, and healthy egos, who don’t wish to waste time or energy planting their seeds in a garden with no sign of life.  They don’t have a problem accepting the fact that sometimes in life there will be roadblocks to their emotional choices.  In other words, everyone we like cannot like us, and it is not an indictment against who we are as individuals or our desirability factor. 

Unfortunately, around the country, people are perplexed in relationships because of low self-esteem and their inability to read the signs.  What about you?  How well do you read?