Lost Without A Lover?
by Joanna Sands
I was head over heels in love with a guy who was the master of innuendo, and I was always convinced by all his hints about marriage that I would be the one he chose. But I was not. He sent me a text on a Friday night and informed me he was leaving on his honeymoon. It took me a whole year to get over the pain of rejection after spending hours trying to figure out what she had that I didn’t.
After that, I spent a lot of time feeling sorry for myself because no one had chosen me as a bride. However, as I met more women my age (42) and older, who had never married, I began to feel better, but I was still perplexed. I wondered why hadn’t I been chosen, and what makes one woman a better candidate than another?
Recently, I posed this question to my favorite aunt, who married for the first time at the age of 50 and was known for her wisdom. She gave me 6 things to remember and I will never forget her words.
- A woman must not be obsessed with becoming a bride or being someone’s woman. She should not see herself as lacking in any way, because her time has not yet come to walk into divine partnership with her mate. This sort of mindset often leads to bad choices.
- She must also believe that there is someone out there in the universe for her, and that he will eventually come according to God’s timing.
- Meanwhile, instead of being in a consciousness of waiting, she should be in the midst of enjoying life to its fullest, so she’ll already be happy and content whenever her soulmate crosses her path.
- She should never be disheartened when the guy in her life turns out to be somebody else’s guy. It only means that she made the wrong choice and destiny has other plans for her.
- A woman should never put quality time and effort into a relationship that is not yielding what she really wants.
- Never accept the status of being on the “vague” list, when you prefer the “certain” list.
I recall the previous relationships where I allowed the men to put me on the “vague” list. When you’re on the “vague” list, you know in your heart, that you’re not a priority in a guy’s life. However, you either accept or reject that status based on your level of loneliness at the time or your measure of self-esteem. Since that enlightening conversation, I no longer see myself as someone yet to be chosen. I now view myself as someone who is determined to break through the self-imposed barriers of my mind, which had me feeling less than, because no man had asked me to be his bride. Now, I’m no longer waiting…I’m living my life and am determined to accept the “certain” list status only in the love game or I refuse to play.