Point Of View – “I Want To Get Married But…”

Point Of View

I Want To Get

Married But…

by Samantha Holston

It’s my dream to one day marry a man (providing he is all that I am hoping for) who will adapt quickly to my abstract philosophy that marriages would fare better if the couple lived across town from one another.  In other words, after the honeymoon, he would maintain his abode and I would maintain mine.  Therefore, though we would be together as man and wife, we would live apart to stave off the inevitability of boredom and monotony that accompanies marriage when two people are on top of each other everyday.

Though I want to be married (I’m 34 and never been), there’s too much I enjoy about single living that I don’t want to give up.  And I personally believe you can have your cake and eat it too.  I just hope I can find a man who shares my view.  Don’t get me wrong.  I want a husband, so I can have someone to call in the middle of the night when my car stops on the road who won’t tell me to call the police.  I want my own personal lover, that I know belongs only to me (I hope, I hope, I hope). 

I also want someone who really listens when I talk and cares about how I feel and doesn’t mind how long I talk on the phone to my girlfriends.  I want a built-in companion who I can uninhibitedly set out to please and not worry about making a fool of myself.  I am overdue to be referred to as So and So’s wife (I’ve outgrown the girlfriend label).  But most of all, I want to experience the feeling of love that can only come when the man you love asks you to be his wife.

However, right now for me, the single life is the bomb.  You see, I’m not ready to share my personal space, my private moments or my total freedom with another person.  Right now, I don’t have to explain to anyone why I’m going shopping again or out with my girlfriends for the second night in a row.  Nor do I want to feel guilty for not wanting to go to his mother’s or his sister’s for Thanksgiving dinner.  And though I want my own man, I don’t want to have to worry about where he is or what he’s doing.  I don’t want to go to the refrigerator for that last piece of sweet potato pie and find it gone.

I’ve come to realize that I’m just not ready to adapt to those habits and idiosyncrasies that conflict sharply with mine (such as leaving the TV on all night).  I don’t want to wonder what’s wrong with him because he’s not talking and I don’t want another person in the house with me who has the potential to disturb my peace or the magazine I left on the table.

I want to cook when I get ready, and not feel obligated to perform a duty…wash dishes when I feel like it and spend my money as I wish and not have to account for one penny to another living soul.

For me, the ideal would be for my husband and I to meet up on the weekend and come together as lovers spontaneously during the week.  I wish to date my husband, not live with him.  Our relationship, as I envision it, would be romantic and exciting while offering us the unique advantage of missing each other through the week and flying hungrily into each other’s arms on the weekend.

You see, the way I see it, you have to trust a man until you have a reason not to.  And with my marriage arrangement, trust would be the most important element for it to work.

However, the trouble with dreams are their direct correlation to fantasy and complete opposition to reality.  But a girl can still dream…can’t she?