Point of View – “No More Man-Sharing For Me-Ever!”

Point Of View

“No More Man-Sharing

For Me-Ever!”

by Kyla Strog

I wish I were the kind of person who could permanently and willingly accept living a solitary life.  You know…feeling comfortable being alone without being lonely, feeling happy in my skin.  I would like to be able to revel when I open my eyes each morning in the solitude of my bed and go on to spend my day productively engaged in work.  I would then return home to my apartment at the end of the day at peace with the world and myself.  It would make things so much less complicated.

But no, I am not that kind of person.  I have always been inclined toward living my life within the context of a relationship.  The solitude of my bed feels empty to me.  My apartment resonates with silence in the evening light.  Late-night talk shows don’t converse.  And, cable movies are so much better to watch when I’m wrapped in someone’s arms. 

However, as bad as I want a relationship, I could never share a man or be “the other woman”… or so I thought.  I thought I could never get lonely enough to play second fiddle in any man’s life, whether he was single or married.  Every woman I knew who dwelt in such relationships, lived a life of hell.  I knew several women (with egos much bigger than their brains) who believe in their heart of hearts that their married lover was really in love with them though he never left his wife.

I’ve also met a number of guys who are single, but very candid about being in a relationship with someone else.  The interesting thing is being offered a space on “the belt” if I’d be willing to play and adhere to the “limitations.”  This was translated to mean that whenever he had some room and time for me.  One guy told me after the second date that he lived with a woman, but he could see me once a week, as long as I wasn’t one of “those demanding types.”  Another explained that we could see each other occasionally, but only with the understanding that his girlfriend took priority over his time.

I watched as one friend worked for a guy who was honest about his “serious” involvement with another woman, and yet, she opted to play “second fiddle” because she hoped she could somehow break the chain on his heart.  But it didn’t work, and day after day she had to endure the other woman’s phone calls and his deference to her until she couldn’t take it.

Therefore, I was convinced that I couldn’t knowingly participate in a relationship with any guy who told me upfront that he likes me, but he likes someone else more.  I considered the fact that at least married men could claim they were stuck.  However, single guys had no excuse, and the women who participated in such scenarios had to be dumb times four.

Then I met “Mel” who “knocked me off my feet” and into the next room.  He was tall, fine, super-confident, accomplished, funny, generous, kind, and very much open about his living with another woman.  He explained that though he loved her, he was fascinated with me, and had to have me in his life.  Instantly, I was intrigued, thrilled, and flattered.  I was also overwhelmed by his attentiveness, the daily flowers and my fatigue with waiting on Mr. Right.  I decided, much to my surprise, to opt for some good company over no company, and trade the promise of “romance” for that elusive love I hadn’t been able to find.  

It turned out to be a glorious ride for four months, but the “thrill” flew out of the window when I bumped into him and her in the local supermarket and he introduced her to me as his wife.

I have since settled for a stack of good novels on Saturday nights until Mr. Right shows up at my door.