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Smart Women – Senseless Choices

by M.K. Allison

I decided to write this after a lengthy weekend of debates with a former college classmate who is a very successful businesswoman.  She called to ask my advice about marrying a guy who showed up drunk at their engagement party, and is currently unemployed.

Needless to say, she didn’t take my advice, which was to dump him.  But her story reminded me of all the different stories I’ve heard this year about some of the ridiculous choices women are making in the glorified name of companionship.  The following are some poignant examples of how far some women will go to be married or joined emotionally to the opposite sex…and I’m talking smart, educated women who are attractive, but obviously very lonely.  Judge for yourself.  The names have been changed (naturally) and these are all true stories.

  • Carla, a corporate executive for a Fortune 500 company moved in with her boyfriend of eight months, with her two teenage children.  He convinced her to put the home in his name in an effort to help him re-build his credit. Six months after they moved in, Carla was diagnosed with cervical cancer.  When she broached the subject of putting her name on the property, he refused and turned into a surly monster.  Nine months later, Carla died and he put her kids out of the house the next day and didn’t attend the funeral.
  • Debbie owned a nursery school when she met the “man of her dreams.”  He was working on as “business deal” at the time and called himself a business consultant.  She could never quite figure out what he was doing to earn a living, but he drove a nice car and lived in a nice apartment, so she accepted his story.
    Four months after they met, she convinced herself that she had finally met the dream husband she’d been waiting on.  Therefore, when he suggested that he come aboard and help her manage the business, she jumped at the idea.  When she mentioned the possibility of them getting married, he hedged and hinted that it would certainly be somewhere on the horizon eventually, but at that moment he didn’t want anything to distract him from his goal of increasing her business.  So, in effort to please him, she gave him free rein to run her nursery and even allowed him to sign checks.  Seven months later, he had stolen her business out from under her.  She ended up under a doctor’s care for emotional distress.
  • Joan was a real estate developer with property everywhere.  She was determined to be married by the age of 40.  Therefore, when she turned 39 and met a man who was “between jobs,” handsome and very interested in her, she literally took him in.  She dressed him up, bought him a car and moved him into her 10 room condominium.  Six months later, she did a pre-nup, married him and put him on her bank account.  Two months later, she came home from an overnight business trip and he had moved out.   He took all the furniture from one of her five bedrooms and didn’t leave a note.  She later found out that they weren’t legally married because he was still married to another woman in another city.
  • Alisa was a successful architect who was dating a computer analyst with a violent temper.  She was totally intimidated by him, yet she continued on in the relationship against the advice of family and friends.  She claimed she loved him and she knew he loved her.  When he slapped her one night in front of all her friends and family at her birthday party, because she was talking to another man, she refused to press charges.  Three months later, she married him and eight months later, he killed her brother before her eyes.  Her brother had been visiting from out of town, and stood up to protect his sister when the husband suddenly attacked her in a fit of anger.  He stabbed the brother twelve times with a knife from the kitchen sink.
  • Maggie, a criminal attorney, began dating her client while representing him, and after he was sentenced to prison for murder she married him in prison.  He was sentenced for killing his ex-girlfriend with a knife.
  • Colleen, an accomplished surgeon, met a man who was just starting up his business when they met.  He was very charming and she was very impressed.  He claimed he didn’t have any money because he had sunk everything into his new business venture.  But with Colleen, he didn’t have to have money, because she felt his company “was worth whatever it costs.”  They took long trips at her expense and she bought him many expensive gifts.  A year later, they were married in Mexico.  However, when they arrived back home, he told her that he had changed his mind about marriage and refused to move in with her.  The marriage was eventually annulled and Colleen later the marriage was never consummated.
  • Sara, a schoolteacher, married a man whom she knew had a drug problem because she thought that with her loving support and a stable home environment she would help him overcome his problems.  A year after they were married, he depleted their bank account, stole money from her on too many occasions, and sold her car to a drug dealer for drugs.  Finally, she divorced him after he threatened her physically. 

Unfortunately, these stories are not isolated incidents.  These kinds of choices are becoming too common among women in today’s world who are desperate to experience the ecstasy of being in love, and too often it’s to their detriment.

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