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The Breakup

10 Ways To Get Over Him

by Heather Bates

May 1, 2018

  1. Cry.  Yes, this is the first step.  You have got to let that emotion out!.  If you don’t, I guarantee your body will do it for you.  One day you might wake up with a strange pain somewhere, or somehow you contract the flu or bronchitis, or something worse.  Crying is not a sign of weakness, the two are not synonymous.

2. Pick up the phone!  Don’t stew alone.  Don’t sit and wait for him to come back or call.  Hiding what has happened to you from the people who care about you is not fair to them.  They deserve to know that you need them and they need a chance to show you how much you are loved.  Talk it out.  Tell your story, it needs to be heard!  Set your story free so you can be free.

3.  Pray and meditate.  Write down a prayer that enlightens you or lifts your spirits. Use quotes and take five extra minutes in the morning to read it before you leave the house every day.  This must become a ritual if you are truly to get stronger and more focused.  Write a note to yourself that says you accept that you are loved and worthy and there are things in life beyond your control.  Therefore, let him go.  Write tons of letters to him, and hold onto them.  Do not send these letters.  They are not for him.  Calm down and breathe.  Life has a way of showing us things and helping us move along even when we feel we cannot go on.

4.  Force yourself to be social.  Go to work.  Make dinner dates with old friends and new, colleagues and family.  Meet new people – nothing has to come of it.  Sometimes meeting new people is just meeting new people…nothing more.  Meet people on-line, go to lectures, and get out of your head!  The goal is to feel human again, not to replace your ex or fill a void.  This is exercise for your social odometer, which has probably lost a lot of mileage since you were with “What’s His Face.”  Stay open and forgive yourself for what you are about to do next.

5.  Go on! Call him! If you have something you need to get off your chest, you know you want to call him because he probably hasn’t called you, and if he has, you either haven’t talked to him or you weren’t feeling brave enough to say what you wanted to say…so call.  Remember, you don’t really want him back, you just cannot hold this in.  Why should you have to be the repository for all of the horrible feelings he left you with?  Give those feelings back to their rightful owner.  Remember, you are not a victim.

6.  Join and go regularly to a gym or physical fitness class.  This serves three purposes; 1) it will feel so good when you unexpectedly bump into your ex who looks horrible and has sold you out for someone of lesser caliber. 2) It will get you out of the house and fill your time with something productive, as well as channeling all those feelings of anger and sadness.  3) It is something you have put off long enough because he was taking up all your time.

7.  Write a contract with yourself.  Focus on all the aspects of your life, including your mental and physical health and spiritual well-being, your work or career, social life, travel life, financial aspects, educational goals, etc.  Write down where you are today and where you see yourself in six months.  Try not to project too far into the future, as it may not be a realistic expectation.  Read this contract regularly, daily if needed, so that it becomes part of your conscious daily life.

8.  Sell all of his stuff on E-bay.  Post the stuff on Ebay is some form of settlement, either inherited or otherwise.  Post those gifts you gave him that he left as a slap in your face.  Sell it all.  Make a profit and donate it to charity or pay off some bills.  This step is all about empowerment

9.  Take a class.  Learn something new.  Put this in your contract.  Push your mind and soul.  Get creative.  Write.  Paint.  Meditate.  Flesh it out.  Get involved and volunteer.  Give your time and energy to others who would appreciate you.

10. Take stock.  Take a moment and read your contract, pay attention to how far you have come and where you were not too long ago.  Revisit the letter you wrote to yourself when everything was upside-down and in chaos.  Forgive him.  Forgiveness is the only way to live a free life and forgiveness starts with your own heart.

Relationships are hard.  They do not always last as long as the fairy tales say.  “Forever After” has a life all unto its own and that is where your story begins.  Relationships end and that does not mean you failed.  Without endings, there are no new beginnings.  Choice needs freedom.  Freedom needs independence.  Independence needs responsibility and responsibility needs You!

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