The Pretenders

On The Dating Scene

The Pretenders… 

Anyone You Know?

by Jan Pitts

February 12, 20

It is not surprising that at the beginning of a new encounter that could possibly hold the potential for romance, some of us try hard to impress our “lover to be” in an effort to be distinctive.  Some do this by assuming “other identities”  to camouflage their true nature or personalities.  Some are afraid to be themselves for fear of being accepted.

Simone goes to work, goes straight home after, eats dinner and watches television until she falls asleep.  This is a daily routine without variation.  However, when she meets a guy, she creates a fictional life of extracurricular activities and brags about her involvements.  She wears “The Busy Beaver Mask” which forces her to lie and invents fake activities to bolster her image.  She has imaginary friends with imaginary names.

Marvin is always on.  Each statement or action is calculated to be clever, witty or attention getting.  His eyes are in constant search for audience reaction to his “show.”  He’s usually not listening, because he’s more interested in being heard.  His actions are controlled by which image he wants to project at the time and the motivation.  He wears, “The Clown” Mask.”

Barbara is paranoid.  She feels that because she thinks what she thinks and knows what she knows about herself, that her actions give access to her mind.  Her self-esteem is low; though she’s attractive.  When she meets a new man, she pretends to have a host of admirers, though she’s dating no one.  She is sometimes standoffish and stiff for fear of appearing too anxious to be loved.  She wears the “I’m Not In Need” Mask.

Helen starts out by creating problems for her mate to help her solve.  Though she’s very independent, she pretends to have a need to be protected and assisted, because she feels men are afraid of independent women.  She is the strongest woman in high heels, but she pretends to be helpless without a man around.  She feels that the more vulnerable a strong woman appears, the easier it is for a man to relax his guard.  She wears, “The I Need To Be Cared For” Mask.

David understands well the intensive search women conduct for sincerity and sensitivity in a man.  These traits are high on request lists everywhere.  Though he constantly strays from the truth and is always on the lookout for “greener pastures,” he exerts special effort in playing “Mr. Perfect” with an edge.  His company is always in demand, because he works hard to be the ideal guy to get whatever he wants.  He wears, “The I Know What Other Guys Are Like, But You Can Trust Me” Mask.

Verne aspires to be different.  She doesn’t wish to be classified with other women.  She pretends not to play games, and she’s the master of many.  She pretends to be “above board” and “candid,” while looking for ways to manipulate and get her own way.  She does things for shock value, such as sending roses after the first date.  She wears the, “I’m Unlike Any Other Woman You’ll Ever Meet” Mask.

Jack adjusts his personality to who he’s with.  He takes on the persona of what he thinks is classy and expected.  He has been pretending so long that he doesn’t remember who he is anymore.  He wears the “Chameleon” Mask.  But his true identity usually comes out when he’s angry or bothered.

Look around you.  There are a few who don’t wear disguises of any kind.  And you shudder as you watch them in action.  They appear to have no fear of exposure for they like who they are.  They are for real people and in a class by themselves.  These people are aware that having the power to be one’s self is the most attractive trait of all.