Finding Your Place Of Joy…

Bonita’s Blog

Finding Your

Place Of Joy…

by Bonita Bennett

Kay and I were not friends.  We were just co-workers who shared a common space.  But one day for a moment in time, we became bonded souls.  I had worked with Kay for two years, and if I had been asked to give my impression of her, I would have described her as funny, happy, and confident.  She was quick to flash a bright smile, inspire laughter with her dry wit, and debate an issue to its minutest degree.  However, deep inside, Kay was hurting and she hid it well.  For many days, we laughed together and then one day we cried.

It was a Friday afternoon, and we were taking a break from a busy day by having lunch in a small café near the job.  As we sat sipping tea, I felt sad as I recalled my recent breakup with a long time love.  When I expressed my dismay at spending the weekend alone, Kay suddenly burst into tears.  I stared in stunned silence as she began to talk about her life, and the misery of being in an abusive relationship, that she didn’t know how to get out of.  She spoke of never experiencing true joy in her life and of being estranged from her family.  She complained of not having an interested soul she could talk to.  She also confessed that not a day went by without her feeling depressed or suicidal.

She was 35, never married, and candid about the misery she carried around in her bosom. She admitted to envying women who had husbands, and couples who walked hand in hand, as if the bond between them had been cemented, and they wanted to share it with the world.

As we sat there in that quiet café, I listened intently to a tortured soul unleash the pain in her heart, as if a key had unlocked the door to her secrets.  I learned she had felt rejection by every man she’d been with, and that she had no hope of ever achieving her greatest ambition…to one day be loved, cherished and honored by a man.  Our tears ran simultaneously as she reflected on the physical abuse she had suffered as a child, and now as a woman. She admitted to being weak and not knowing how to end her pain.

Two weeks later, on a warm August night, she committed suicide by jumping off the roof of a ten-story building, and I cried for her everyday for a month.  After that, I became a student of depression and the effect it has on its victims.  I discovered that it’s a disease that strikes one out of four women, and it’s becoming more and more prevalent among women of color.  Many are depressed and are unaware, because they are functioning in a state that others deem as normal.  However, there are a few telltale signs that can help you determine if you or a loved one is suffering from depression.

• Your television or radio is never off.  You wake up to it, and you go to sleep by it.  Sounds of life must be ever-present for the person who is functionally depressed.  They are usually afraid to be in silence with their own thoughts. Something must always be on…even in the car.
• You are prone to feel victimized or disregarded, with the slightest infraction or bump in the road.
• You are unhappy, but you pretend not to be.
• You cry at the drop of a hat.
• You have a hard time filling the hours of your day.
• You drag to work and feel released at quitting time.
• You don’t feel well…a lot.
• You either sleep a lot, or can’t sleep at night.
• You have serious mood swings.
• Your personal hygiene habits are not what they used to be.
• If the Board of Health did bedroom inspections, you could be fined or jailed.
• You do everything in excess.  Eat, drink, etc.
• Every minute of the day must be filled with activity.  You move ‘til you drop.

If any of these symptoms sound familiar, you should seek professional help by calling The Crisis Hotline at a hospital nearest you, where you can speak anonymously to designated staff, who can help or refer you.  The important thing is to seek help so that the burden you carry around can be lifted, and your life can become normal.  Ultimately, with persistence and fortitude, joy will appear and your load will be gone.

Bonita Bennett, founder, publisher  Of Being Single Magazine and a former TV/radio personality, is the author of  the books “How To Catch & Keep The Man Of Your Dreams,”  and The Coming Of Dawn.  She is also a nationally recognized life coach/relationship expert, and noted motivational speaker, whose life-changing counseling techniques, classes and innovative workshops on life-skills, inter-personal relationships, conflict management, and problem solving are well-known in her field.  Bonita Bennett is also the editor-in-chief of Being Single Magazine.   Be sure to get your copy of  her two books…Meanwhile, read the  excerpts from the mystery novel…The Coming Of Dawn and How To Catch & Keep The Man Of Your Dreams