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I invited a pretty co-worker to a party to help me win a contest only and now she wants to hook up despite my objection.

by Sarah Smart

April 15, 2019

Q.  My former college buddies throw a party (twice a year) which we call, “The Prettiest Girl Contest” where the guy who brings the most attractive date wins a grand prize of $500.00 and all the guys vote. The women are totally unaware of the theme of the party or the prize.  Some guys bring current girlfriends, while most just bring the prettiest girl they can find.  Though I’m very much involved in a relationship, I made the mistake at the last party of asking a real pretty girl from my office to come as my date.  Though she’s gorgeous, (and I did win the contest) she is not my type at all..  My problem is that since that time, she thinks I’m interested in her romantically.  I explained that my actions were purely platonic and it was just a party I thought she’d enjoy.  I also stated that I’m already involved with someone else.  However, she still sends me cute cards through the inter-office mail and leaves cute messages on my voice mail as if she didn’t hear a word I said.  I’ve been avoiding her because I feel bad that I can’t return her interest.  Do you think I did wrong to invite her to the party without telling the real reason?

A.  No. Men ask women out all the time and the chemistry of the evening does not always warrant a follow-up.  I think she’s acting out what she’s feeling and is less concerned about what you feel.  Try telling her again that that you think she’s nice, but you’re not interested in getting involved.  The problem here may be that she doesn’t understand the definition of platonic.  Talk to her and spell it out with words of sensitivity.  If that doesn’t work, try finding a replacement for you (introduce her to one of the guys at the party) or tell her the truth and split your winnings with her.  You should have done that anyway.

Q.  Every time I meet a new man, I inevitably become over-excited. It’s like I’m so grateful for another chance to be loved, that maybe I try too hard to please.   I am tired of going in and out of relationships, so I try to make this “one” the one.  But I always fail, though I try to be all that I think he wants.  My best friend, on the other hand, is totally preoccupied with herself.  She views men as temporary playmates.  She’s selfish, attractive and incredibly hostile, and the men are all over her.  She stops answering her phone when she doesn’t get her way.  If her date is late, she cancels the date and she wanders away constantly whenever she’s out with a guy.  She’s constantly sought after and I’m not.  What am I doing wrong?

A.  You already know.  One thing your friend seems to be doing that it appears you could learn from is to be yourself. It seems you’re into pleasing, and she’s not.  You should come first, then the relationship.  Obviously, you’re trying too hard and this attitude can definitely take away from your appeal.  You should never try to be all that a guy wants, because you can’t.  Your friend is probably very popular because men love a challenge, and she sounds like a serious one.

Got a problem or a confession?  We’ve got the answer.  Send us your scenarios regarding The Single Life to beingsinglemagazine@gmail.com and put SingleScenes in the subject line.

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