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24 Sure Ways

To Be Avoided

by Edward Lamberto

  1. Always have a strong negative opinion ready to express unsolicited on whatever subject, name or event that comes up and be adamant about it.
  2. Make your envy of others apparent. Be sure to point out the negatives associated with whatever name has been mentioned in a positive light.  Example:  “She may be pretty, but I hear she’s on drugs.”
  3. Only call friends and family when you need a favor.

Don’t be a secret keeper.

  1. Make it a point to discuss your dreams with someone who wasn’t in them and do it often. Be sure to include every detail of what happened
  2. Have no sense of humor, and pretend to be nicer than you really are. In order to do this, you must be able to fake interest, fake sincerity and display an indulgent smile.
  3. When conversing, be sure to always revolve all discussion around you, and show no interest in what the other person is saying. The best way to accomplish this is to interrupt constantly while others are talking and connect what they’re saying to you and your experience.
  4. At a moment’s notice, be prepared to go on and on about your personal problems and complaints in general.
  5. Be critical to the extreme. Look carefully at everyone and everything, so you don’t miss anything, and then speak about it critically to all who cross your path.
  6. In a discussion, let no one get a word in edgewise. Make it quite evident that your opinion is the only one that counts, because you are in the know.
  7. Be sure to point out who’s jealous of you every chance you get, and mention them by name. Go into explicit detail about what it is about you that has these people green with envy.
  8. Whenever anyone greets you in public, be sure to give a lengthy update on your latest afflictions, children’s accomplishments and recent personal accolades, honors and achievements.
  9. Always go out of your way to draw attention to yourself by displaying a foul mouth and bad manners. To accomplish this, you must use profanity often and speak in a loud tone.
  10. Be certain to discuss indiscriminately and indiscreetly all of your personal sexual exploits and those you’ve been made privy to. Don’t forget to name names.
  11. Never allow anyone to point out where you may have erred and never admit when you’ve made a mistake. In order to become proficient in this, you must become an expert on the flaws and imperfections of others.
  12. Always blame others for your problems and tell all who’ll listen.
  13. Be sure to point out consistently how you’ve been wronged and taken advantage of by others, and how unappreciated you are by the masses.
  14. Talk incessantly about your “love life” and be sure to repeat the details over and over again.
  15. Make sure all of your “jokes” are put-downs. Say things only for shock value, and to make others view you as funny.  Become an expert at meddling, teasing and making fun of others.
  16. Complain constantly about all the little things that bother or irritate you. Make it a habit to announce regularly who and what you dislike.
  17. Make a practice of asking impolite questions
  18. Always push to the front. Do everything you can to be heard, seen and acknowledged first.
  19. Be loyal to no one. Let it be known that you don’t play favorites.  Give everyone equal opportunity to be betrayed, maligned and exposed.
  20. Be thin-skinned. Be sure to dish out what you can’t take, and speak whatever comes to mind.  Use your own standard for what’s proper and what’s not.
  21. Brag, brag, brag. Make sure everyone in hearing distance understands how important you are and how loved and admired you are by others.

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