5 Ways To Spot A Loser

5 Ways To

Spot A Loser

by Ben Stein

Too many people have the smarts to succeed, but never do.  Why do some count their money while others curse their unpaid bills?  Of course, luck has a role, but usually people make their own bad luck by regularly getting trapped in self-defeating attitudes and shoot-yourself-in-the foot behavior.

Here are some of the worst traps:

DELUSIONAL THINKING. Unsuccessful people constantly lie to themselves about their own lives. It is absolutely impossible for people to be dishonest with themselves-about where they are in life, what their prospects for achieving their goals and where they fall short, and still go forward.

NOT PRODUCING. Again and again, I’ve talked to people who fail to acquire any useful skill for which someone will pay real money.  They don’t understand the fundamental truth that human beings get paid for being able to do something.  And they don’t understand a corollary truth:  people get paid a lot for being able to do something that adds a lot of value.  That means medicine or law or songwriting or finance or something that will help others to get well or make money or enjoy themselves or learn something – but on a big scale.  If financial success is your goal, you have to produce or create something that – in the real world, not only in your dreams – others want!

PUNISHING FRIENDS. Unsuccessful people make a habit of being friendly and grateful to those who are unhelpful to them and disdainful and ungrateful to those who are kind to them.  I see this with startling regularity.  These people take their friends for granted at their own peril.  Unless you are a uniquely talented artist or athlete, there is no such thing as success without a network of friends and supporters.  The inability to make and keep friends is involved in every single failure I’ve ever seen.

BAD MANNERS. Unsuccessful people are also routinely rude.  They fail to show up on time, to thank givers for gifts and to apologize for slights and wrongs.  I like to calculate how late my dinner guests will be by using a “success lateness” standard. A guest with a good job, really busy, with heavyweight responsibilities will be on time.  Someone with nothing to do all day will be very, very late or maybe not show at all.  A guy with a low-level job that’s going nowhere?  Between 15 minutes to an hour late.  One of my friends in Hollywood had a promising career as a producer.  As time went by his career began to falter, and his slide down the pole was greased by his amazing lack of manners.  This guy never thanked me for meals, passes to shows or introductions to potential employers.  I finally did what everyone else who knows him did long ago, simply stopped doing anything for him.  When a player alienates everyone by rudeness, he stops being able to play.  Maybe billionaires and maharajahs can get away with being rude.  For the rest of us, it’s a guaranteed success killer.

BAD ATTITUDES. These people also often have a sour pessimistic outlook.  They dislike their work and their world.  They betray a lack of confidence in themselves – a deep rooted belief that they can’t do much or do it well.  This is almost always expressed to anyone who will listen.  They don’t realize that they are advertising themselves as losers.