7 Reasons Not To Marry…
by Constance Borglow
People have a lot of reasons for getting married – stability, love or infatuation, companionship, a sense of responsibility, a desire to have children. All of these factors can enter into the equation, but how much of the reasoning behind them won’t hold water when you get down to what marriage is REALLY all about. It’s a total change of life and lifestyle that means intermingling your very self – your heart, your hopes, your finances and your dreams – with another person.
Unfortunately, I’ve been married more than once, each time for a different reason. It’s not storybook. It’s not white picket fences and well-scrubbed children. It takes work, compromise, and endurance. Both partners have to approach it with responsibility and maturity in order for it to last. Anybody can GET married. These days, however, not many can STAY married. The divorce statistics attest to this.
If you’re thinking about saying “I do” let me help you think again. See if you recognize yourself in the following paragraphs that express the reasons I often hear from people who are headed to the altar:
Reason # 1: “My family is pressuring me to get married.” Your family doesn’t have to marry the person – You do. They won’t be there when the going gets rough and they will often be the first to criticize you or get in the way of a positive relationship. So, don’t yield to the pressure. Get married when Youare ready. As for settling down, we all do that in our own time. Marriage doesn’t make you settled; it just gives you a whole new set of dynamics to deal with that involve another person. I know people who have been married for years without settling down.
Reason #2: “I’ve never been married and feel like it’s about time”… Just because you’ve never been married doesn’t mean you never will be. All things come in time and marriage is only right when the right person and the right time coincide.
Reason # 3: “I’m getting older and pretty soon, no one will be attracted to me”… Of course, no one will be attracted to you unless you are an attractive person (and that doesn’t mean just physically, it means emotionally, intellectually, and personality). People get married at all ages, from 16-99. When you marry for the right reasons, age should have nothing to do with it.
Reason #4: “My life is nothing without a man (or woman)”… If that’s how you feel, I really feel sorry for you. Life is so rich that with or without a man (or woman), it should be enjoyable regardless. A mate isn’t supposed to live your life for you, provide you with a reason for being, or be a constant source of entertainment. Your husband or wife is supposed to complement your life and make it better and more interesting, but until you learn how to seek out these things for yourself, on your own, you’re heading for a one sided relationship where the other person is expected to pull all the weight for both of you.
Reason #5: “I’m so lonely. If I were married, I would have a companion all the time”… Forget it! Yes, you would have a partner, but he/she may or may not be a companion or do anything to cure the loneliness. No one truly wants to be with someone all the time. That would be boring. You have to learn to be alone before you can learn to be with someone else. There are lots of stories about people who put up with abusive relationships because they are afraid of being alone. People who really live their lives are not usually lonely because they find interesting ways to occupy their time.
Reason #6: “I need help financially!”… Not in these days and times. You might save on rent, but if that’s the objective – get a roommate.
Reason #7: “I want someone to take care of me”…If you marry someone mainly for the financial benefit, that sounds more like cutting a business deal than a marriage. On the other hand, if you’re looking for a caretaker, you probably haven’t grown up and are really looking for a parent, not a spouse. In marriage, you should both take care of each other.