Bad Love – Why It’s Hard To Let Go

Bad Love:

Why It’s So

Hard To Let Go

by Jovan Tahale

He was bad for me and I knew it, but I was too weak to fight.  I thought it was love, but it was lust. I talked to myself often.  “Okay, so the good times were memorable.  But can they sustain you now?  Do they help at all when he doesn’t call?  Do the old times, long gone times do anything for the way you feel when he makes excuses for doing something else, everything else, but spend time with you?”  

What about you?  Is your significant other mostly missing…..doing anything (or everything) without you?  Is your “personal prince” gallivanting all over the place, ignoring your presence and your needs?   In a case like this, what shall we do?  When the music stops, shouldn’t we stop dancing?  When the rain begins to pour, shouldn’t we pack up the picnic? Unfortunately, too many of us keep right on walking, long after the music has ended; keep right on nibbling, long after the “love meal” has been drenched by the rains of distrust and jealousy soaked by all the things that can spoil a romantic feast.  But it’s hard to let go?  When it’s obvious that the relationship has slumped over and has no pulse, what makes us keep trying to breathe life into it?  Fear?  Loneliness?  Failure?  Whatever the reason, we have all been guilty.

Cindy’s three-year relationship with Robert had been a rocky one from the beginning.  “He was so undependable…failed to show up for dates without a call, and about a hundred other things that twisted my nerves.  I stayed frustrated and full of anxiety most of the time.  “I just wanted so badly for the relationship to last, I wouldn’t face the facts. It got so bad after it was finally over, that I had to have counseling.”

Laurie spent much time and money trying to sustain a faltering love affair.  When Jack seemed less than enthusiastic about the neighborhood Laurie lived in, she decided it would strengthen what they had (and make him happy) if she moved to a more affluent neighborhood.  “I also sponsored more than one trip to Jamaica (his favorite place) trying to spice things up between us.  And after each trip, it seemed he would go into some sort of inner shell where he’d get silent and refuse to talk.”  Why and when did she finally let go? 

“Not until I realized that no matter what I did, he was determined to be dissatisfied, irritable, and just generally miserable. One day he announced he was thinking about quitting his job because it wasn’t fulfilling anymore.  I think that’s when finally I realized that I loved me too much to support a man who hadn’t given me any real happiness in a long time and probably never would because of his own inner misery. I packed up his clothes and set them outside the door after I changed the locks.”

Sometimes our fear of abandonment coaxes us to remain in emotionally dangerous relationships.  Some of us would rather have open heart surgery, without an anesthetic, than be without the man or woman whom we feel we can’t live without.  At great costs to our mental and physical health, as well as our stability, we cling to the preposterous notion that letting go of a toxic relationship will be more devastating than staying in it.  NOT SO!  The fact remains … that love should feel good.

Therefore, if the pain in your relationship outweighs the good feelings, stop holding on.  If your sad days outnumber your glad days, loosen your grip.  If you can’t remember the last time you enjoyed a hearty burst of laughter together, back away.  If feelings of hopelessness overshadow your daily life, preventing any real enthusiasm for living planning and experiencing all of what life has to offer, examine yourself and your situation.  Give yourself a chance to experience some contentment, some peace of mind. Just let go!  Believe me…you’ll feel much better!