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Point Of View:     My 7 “Romance” Rules For The New Year…

by M.K. Allison

I Will Not Ignore That Inner Voice.   Last year, I could have saved myself a lot of grief and heartache, if I heeded that small inner voice, which is always pure and practical.  I was constantly in and out of trouble because that voice was mostly overruled by my desire, which was often governed by bad judgment and impatience.  I dated one guy for four months, who I should never have gone out with in the first place.  But I didn’t heed the signs. I finally got the message when he showed up for a date with another woman in the car, and asked if I was into threesomes.

2.     I Won’t Tell Anyone… Everything. I will be more selective about who I “share” what with.   In a customary state of “boyfriend blues,” I told two close friends about catching my boyfriend out with another woman and how he begged me to forgive him, and I did. However, every time I mentioned his name after that, they reminded me of what he did, as if I had to be the dumbest woman in America, and the only one who had ever forgiven her man.

3.     I Will No Longer Accept The Title Of “Girlfriend.” There is too much aggravation and uncertainty in the role of girlfriend.  I choose the word “friend.”  It’s ambiguous and safe.  When you’re a “girlfriend” you’re never really sure where you stand, and you’re too quick to feel threatened or challenged by the thought of another woman when you have no real commitment.  Marriage is the real commitment in a relationship, and I know of many “committed” relationships that existed on the “you’re my woman” level that disintegrated into the sand because there was no real bond.  The word “friend” helps me manage my expectations and my emotions.

4.     I Will Shape Up My Circle.  I spent too much time and energy last year with people who shouldn’t have been permitted to enter my circle.  Men and women with proven actions of pettiness, disrespect, and betrayal weaved their way into my life, and on many occasions, I ran out to meet them.  I put my sacred thoughts and feelings into callous hands, and as expected, when you put on your best to wear to a mud fight, you get splattered big-time.

5.    No More Fake Dating. I will not continue to date a guy who I know I’m not interested in.  Last year, I spent too much time trying to make something work with men where the incompatibility stuck out like a sore thumb.  It was unfair to them and a total waste of my time.  I realize that I gave in too quickly to those “alone” feelings that can prompt you to connect haphazardly just to banish the feelings.

6.    I Will Be More Authentic. I will strive to be more straightforward, affectionate, and friendly.  I will tell everyone who enters my world, what I like or dislike and lose all semblance of attitude and replace it with love. I will not sulk or pain in silence.  I will give compliments.  I will remember names… I will smile at strangers…I will speak in elevators.  I will shine.

7.   I Will Accept No Excuses.  I will not rationalize a guy’s words or behavior.  From now on, I will call it what it looks like.  When a man acts like he’s confused about me, I will assume he is.  I won’t try to rationalize that there is some sociological or psychological reason why he doesn’t call more often.  I will call a spade a shovel and not make excuses for bad behavior or ill-treatment.


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