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Relationships:

Secrets – Tell Or Not?

by CoCo Diong

We all have secrets. Some, we will never tell, and some, by the very nature of what they hide, need to be told.  But who do we tell them to?  Do we wait for someone we can trust, when a burden from our past is pushing us to confess or unload? Is confession really good for the soul as they say? I say it’s relative. Though, I’ve learned some secrets should remain untold.

Example: After a night of drinking and confessin’ at a friend’s bridal shower,  my cousin’s best friend admitted that she’d slept with her boyfriend (who later became her husband) while they were dating in college. She claimed the secret had burdened her for years, and she was glad to get it off her chest.  The friend begged for forgiveness but to no avail.   My cousin never spoke to her again.   I couldn’t wait to get home to share the news of her betrayal with my sister.  When I did, her reaction was not what I expected.  “Honey, everyone has done something dumb, stupid or crazy in their lifetime.  I’ve done many things that I’m still ashamed of ‘till this day!  I think it’s interesting that she confessed it because I would have never confessed that!”

 As she talked and unloaded some of what she called, her “scarlet secrets,” I began to reflect on my own life and some of the doozies I’ve kept in the dark.  Later that night, after consuming two glasses of wine, I confessed something I had never told anyone to my current boyfriend.   I remember thinking at the time that he might be impressed with how I handled a bad situation, but he wasn’t.

I related the time I suspected a boyfriend of cheating and pretended to leave his apartment after spending the night, while he was in the shower getting ready for work.  I yelled goodbye and hid in his bedroom closet for almost an hour until I heard him close the front door.

When he left, I searched his place from top to bottom for evidence of other women, and I found plenty.  However, just as I was getting ready to leave, an hour later, I heard his key in the door and ran back to hide in the closet.

I assumed he had forgotten something, and I would soon be free to go.  Unfortunately, to my surprise and dismay, he came back with a woman, and I sat in that closet for over two hours listening to the sounds of their sexual activity.  When they finally left, I crawled out of the darkness, sick to my stomach.  I never spoke to that guy him again and I never told him why.

However, when I finished telling the story, I was surprised at my boyfriend’s reaction.  He told me that it was evident by my confession that I had the capacity to be sneaky.  After that, he began looking at me differently and referring to me as “the detective.” Eventually, we broke up and I vowed to never confess any of my secrets again.

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