I just found out that my best friend’s fiance`is still chasing after his ex. Should I tell her?
by Sarah Smart
June 1, 2018
Q. My best friend is currently engaged to a guy whom everyone loves and admires. I was among the many who thought she had landed the best catch in town, until I heard last week that this guy is still calling an ex-girlfriend on a daily basis and telling her he still loves her, which means he is confused about his feelings. I want to tell my friend, but I don’t want to hurt her. However, I don’t want to see her walk into a marriage that could make her unhappy. I feel guilty knowing about this and not telling her. What would you do?
A. I wouldn’t tell her. If this guy’s affections are torn between her and another woman, there should be a clear indication that something isn’t right already occurring in the relationship. Unfortunately, one of the hardest lessons to learn in life is that we have to allow our loved ones to cross their own valleys. By the way, unless it was a three-way call with you being on one of the lines, you have no real evidence that what you “heard” is true.
Q. Recently, you told a guy who was being bugged by a date gone sour to inform her of their incompatibility if he found her persistence an irritant. What are you trying to do, get the guy killed? You know a man cannot tell a woman bluntly that he doesn’t like her. Women can’t take the truth and most prefer to be lied to. And most opt to lie. I took a blind date to dinner once that looked like an ad for a junk dealer. She had piercings in her lips, ears, nose and tongue. I never called again. But when she kept calling me, I lied to get rid of her. I told her I was married, temporarily separated and going back to my wife. Do you think she could have taken it, if I told her the truth.
A. I agree somewhat. People hate to hear the truth particularly if it’s insulting or ego bruising, but in the long run, they appreciate it. They might feel bad, but eventually they’ll respect you, because few people really want someone who has made it clear that they don’t want them.
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