Story Of The Week
The Anatomy Of A Broken Heart
by Kenyatta Colbert
It was my idea to surprise him, but it was not supported by my peers and loved ones. They all tried to warn me that my plan was idiotic, but through my made-up mind, I pretended they approved. It was his birthday and the third year in a row he had spent it out of town on a business trip. The plan was to arrive at his hotel and wait in the lobby for his return from his meeting. I had a small gourmet birthday cake packed in an exquisite box topped with an inscription I had labored over. It read, “To the only man I’ll ever love.” However, he never got a chance to see the cake.
After what seemed like an eternity of sitting and anticipating his entrance with a big grin at the sight of me, he came through the hotel entrance with a woman on his arm. He didn’t see me, and I made sure he didn’t. Though I had flown over 1000 miles to be with him on his special day, I ducked behind a couch until he got on the elevator. At last, my smart brain cells won the battle over my dumb ones, and I returned home putting the incident and the relationship behind me.
In retrospect, I realized that I had given away too much of myself and I knew it long before my fateful trip. I was forever trying to raise my “stock” by paying homage to a guy who didn’t deserve it and lifting the boundaries of my soul to someone who had stated his limited access upfront.
Unfortunately, in my attempt to make an indelible and lasting impression on his heart, I sealed my doom being too effusive with unworthy praise, too grateful for a little bit of attention, and too willing to accept less than what I really wanted.
I just wanted to be with him and whatever came with that I was willing to take. I realized I’d been an open book that he’d read too many times before in previous relationships with women like me, who wore their need on their sleeves.
When I discovered he was cheating on me, I thought life was cruel, but reflection forced me to look at the lesson. My heart was broken, and I felt I couldn’t go on, but soon the memory of him was only a shadow.
I came to realize that from the beginning it never had a chance, because we weren’t really compatible, nor was the relationship fulfilling for me as an individual. The bad times outweighed the good, and there was never just cause to give up my heart and my body. But I held out hope that this one might be the one I’d been waiting on, and I imagined him to be what he was not. In addition, the feeling never appeared mutual, but I plodded along anyway in the desperate hope that his feelings could be influenced by my feelings…but to no avail. However, the most astounding revelation occurred when I realized that if I put no value on myself, no one else would.