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When Your
Name Is Not
On The Party List…

by Jan Pitts

For the third time in a row my friend’s name was left off an invitation list to a popular posh event she expected to be invited to and she was upset.  She couldn’t understand how this could happen.  After all, she was (in her opinion) a part of a crowd that would qualify her to be considered worthy of an invite.  She was especially disappointed after learning that the party had been hosted by a “friend.”

To make matters worse, when she accidentally ran into the party-giver in the local supermarket a few days later, she accosted him and demanded to know why she hadn’t been invited.  He informed her bluntly that the party had been an impromptu affair intended for close personal friends only, which was upsetting to her. 

Later, when she complained to me, she was dismayed by the fact that her “friend” didn’t see her as special enough to merit an invite. While she wallowed in disappointment, I realized that most of us strive to feel special, liked, and included, but too often we knock on the wrong doors to be considered, climb the wrong social ladder, and/or are oblivious to how others truly perceive us.

I don’t know specifically why some are socially passed over, and others are not, but I do know that we have the power to endear or estrange ourselves based on our ways, words, and actions.  Unfortunately, I know too many who are avoided or seldom sought out socially due to personality flaws that can be alienating.  When someone rejects our presence, it could be that we have failed unknowingly to meet their private and personal criteria.  Some of which could be attributed to one or more of the following reasons:

  • No evidence of real interest in others.— A difference in personal styles.—An uneven temperament—Unpredictable behavior, (often displayed by a mean spirit )  Very critical—We all wish to hear good words spoken in our presence and we have a tendency to avoid those who are excessive in doing the opposite.
  • Add nothing to the atmosphere–In this, somehow our words and actions fail to enhance our surroundings. It helps if you are interesting, interested, and possess a sense of humor.
  • Brag relentlessly on you and yours.—this needs no explanation.

If your attempt at making a social in-road is being cut off at the pass, you may need to take an in-depth look at yourself, perhaps with the help of a close friend.  Identify your fears and insecurities, which influence your behavior.  The best result would be to act upon your findings.

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